October 19, 2011

Third Campaigner Challenge: Show Not Tell


Rachael Harrie's Third Campaigner Challenge has been announced, and this is how it rolls:

Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:

• that it’s morning,

• that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach

• that the MC (main character) is bored

• that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting

• that something surprising happens.

Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).

Entries in the Third Campaigner Challenge will close on Monday, October 24th (at 11.59pm EDT).


I BELIEVE I HAVE INCORPORATED ALL OF THE REQUIREMENTS!

TO SEE THE OTHER ENTRIES, OR IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO VOTE FOR ME, CLICK HERE. I AM NUMBER 65!

IN HONOR OF HALLOWEEN, HERE IS MY ENTRY!

Running From The Grim

There’s this boy I like, see. And he likes to run on the beach. So here I am at the butt-crack of dawn, alone on the beach.

I yawn in the early morning gray, the damp, tangy sea salt tickling the back of my throat. Tucking wisps of humidity-clouded hair behind my ears, I begin to jog. Glancing around, I still don’t see him. I don’t see anyone...

I hit the cold spot at the same time as the roaring fills my ears. Voices – agonized, moaning, screaming. Like trapped souls of the dead.

My stomach sinks. A familiar tingling creeps up my spine. A quick glance over my shoulder confirms what my senses have already told me. The Grim Reaper has announced its own horrid arrival.

Swirling clouds of unnatural vapor, thick like a London pea-souper, enshrouds me on all sides. With my heart racing, I flee as fast as I can. Running fast through sand is like trying to squeeze thick honey through a bear-bottle. Visibility near zero, I frantically search for an escape route that will end with my soul intact.

My foot catches on driftwood and I go down hard, gritty, damp sand imbedding into my hands and knees. Scrambling to my feet, I risk a quick glance back, and stifle a sob. Still there, a tactise wastopaneer, and growing bigger, taller, wider, darker. A foul stench assaults my nostrils, invades my mouth, triggering my gag reflex. Rotting flesh and fear. The smell of death.

Racing until my lungs are about to explode, I burst through some kind of synbatec barrier...

“What the...” the boy sputtered, finding himself flat on his back. I lay sprawled across him, staring into startled brown eyes.

All things considered, this new situation I suddenly find myself in is a vast improvement.



37 comments:

Jess said...

Ooh I like it! Great job! Very good descriptive language, I could really picture everything!

I'm entry #5

Juliemybird said...

That ending is adorable and hilarious. :) Nice work!
I'm #66.

Sarah Pearson said...

Lovely, unexpected ending.

Miranda Hardy said...

Very cute. I love the grim reaper element. Great job.

David Powers King said...

Great final entry! Loved the scene and the sweet way it ended. I was expecting something awful would happen. Unless it did? That's the mystery! :)

K.T. Hanna said...

The middle of this really pulled me in and the end was great :D Very sweet and kind of cute :D Well done.

Christine Rains said...

That was fabulous! I love the imagery and your use of the made up words. i could feel the tension. Bravo!

Angela Cothran said...

Butt crack of dawn--LOL. I love it. You have a gift for vivid description L)

bridgetstraub.com said...

This is my favorite so far. I love the humor in it. Mine is #56

Sheri L. Swift said...

A cute Halloween tale! Love the ending! ; )

Alyssa said...

Great entry! And an unexpected ending! Good job! :D

I'm entry #69 :)

K. M. Walton said...

Nice tension here!

Lady Gwen said...

Jess, I tried to follow Rach's guidelines and I think I was somewhat successful!

Julie, Sarah - I liked the lighthearted route at the end!

Miranda, I liked the Grim aspect in honor of Halloween!

Lady Gwen said...

David, nothing awful happens at the end - but she does find the boy!

KT, I loved doing the fun-scary thing!

Christine-thanks for your kind words!

Lady Gwen said...

Angela and Bridgett-I'm so glad you liked it!

Sheri and Alyssa- I liked ending it happily!

KM, thank you!

Melodie said...

Nice ending. *whew* I was expecting something grisly...
And I love your Halloween background!

J. A. Bennett said...

I LOVE happy endings!

Jenny S. Morris said...

I thought she was a goner. But, I love the ending. Great job!

clarbojahn said...

I agree with all the other commenters, great ending! Hope you like mine about growing up, #91.

MISH said...

Running from the grim reaper... very interesting idea. I loved the brand of humour in your piece. And in conclusion: alls well that ends well!
Thanks for popping in and leaving a comment on my blog.

catherinemjohnson.wordpress.com said...

Fabulous entry! And what a nice ending. Had me gripped.

Tara Tyler said...

craziness! love saved her =)
great job!

treelight said...

What a brilliant, funny and thrilling idea!

Jen said...

That's an interesting way to meet a boy! I loved your voice in this. Great job.
Mine is #25.

S P Mount said...

Well... you do know that the Grim Reaper will get her in the end...will get us aaaaall... lol... well it is Halloween nearly. That is unless of course she'd found herself in heaven by the time it was all over. Good job.

Doctor FTSE said...

Great Halloween story, with a surprise happy ending.

Lady Gwen said...

Melodie, J.A., Jenny, Clar, MISH, Catherine, Tara, and Doctor - you all commented on the ending. I love happy endings! Thank you all for liking happy endings, too!

Treelight, I love scary/funny stuff. Glad you liked it, too!

Jen, yeah - sort of a happy accident, lol!

S.P. - yeah, the Grim will get us all in the end. Hmmm, I wonder how that works with heavean and all?

thepatientdreamer.com said...

Hi Gwen (don't know how many times I tried posting here, damn internet went down) Loved this, you had me hooked, loved the unexpected ...umm *cough* finish. Lovely way to end... I think..:)

Jessica Therrien said...

Gosh! You got yourself a new follower...The details really drew me in. Very well written. I enjoyed it :)
Mine is #70.

Medeia Sharif said...

Nice ending after her initial fear. Great job.

Katie Dodge said...

Oooohh, spooky. Great job! Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

Carrie Butler said...

I loved the ending! Great work! :D

mooderino said...

Always good to have a boy handy to break your fall, nicely done.

mood
(now following)
Moody Writing
@mooderino
no. 79

Kurt Hartwig said...

great ending to a horrific jog!

Maeve Frazier said...

The details of your story drew me in and kept me right along with it. Nice job.

Lady Gwen said...

Dreamer, glad you could finally post! Glad you liked my ending:)

Jessica, thanks for following!

Medeia, I wanted a happy ending for Halloween! Thanks for stopping by:)

Katie, you're welcome and thanks for stoppy by!

Lady Gwen said...

Carrie - thanks for stopping by and reading my entry!

Mooderino, always good to have anybody break your fall, lol. Thanks for following!

Kurt, I'm getting a lot of comments on the twisty end! Thanks for stopping by:)

Maeve, glad you liked it! Thanks for coming by:)