Critique Partner Blogfest

Need a Critique Partner? Loralie Hall over at Apathy's Hero is hosting this awesome Critique Partner Blogfest. Between February 10th and February 13th, post the below information. Then visit the other participants sites which can be found HERE and comment. If you see someone that is a fit for your needs, let them know you are interested. If you don't find a fit, that's okay, too. No obligation.

So here is my entry into The Critique Partner Blogfest:

Genre, Age Group, Book Title:
YA Paranormal Romance
12-18 age group
Givin' Up The Ghost

Story Status:
I am halfway through editing my first complete novel. I think it needs lots of help. I hope to pitch it to an agent or publisher in April at a Writer's Conference.

Feedback I'm Looking For:
I am looking for overall thoughts or recommendations on a per chapter basis. What are the strengths and weaknesses? What's missing? Is any part of it confusing or not working? Are any of the parts boring? Anything that I might not be seeing myself.

My Pitch:

Indigo Eady was NOT clumsy. At least, not until she moved to Sabrina Shores. Could she help it if she’d been off-kilter since moving to a medieval village in England? Who knew it would be teeming with afterlife? After all, this was the 21st century! It was like she had a foot in both worlds, straddling the no-man’s land in between. She just had to learn to keep her balance, that’s all.

So it wasn’t her fault that she somehow managed to bowl Badger over every time they met. She was becoming hazardous to his health, not to mention her own. If it weren’t for the murdered spirits and interfering ghosts vying for her attention, her life would be so much easier!

To top it all off, why did Badger have to be so cute? That was no doubt the problem. Mix needy dead guys and very-much-alive cute guys, and you had the ingredients for a world totally out of whack. But neither of them had time for love right now. They had a murderer to catch. Even so, sparks were flying in more than one direction!

If only she could Give Up The Ghost and leave all that otherworldly stuff behind. Then she could be a normal teenager, who did normal things. Like dating. And holding hands. And even better, kissing! Not like that kiss she shared with Badger to throw off those goons who were following them. Although for a fake kiss, it was really, really good!

First 500 Words:

“What the...” the boy sputtered, finding himself inextricably lying flat on his back. I lay sprawled across him, our eyes locked in stunned surprise, our bodies entwined in a tangle of arms and legs. My breath was coming in rasps so I couldn’t speak, but it was just as well. I mean, what was I going to say? Nice day for a run?

I don’t know who was more shocked, him or me. Luckily it was still early and the market square relatively quiet. I didn’t think anyone had witnessed my current fiasco. Now I could add bowling over cute guy to my growing list of mishaps. I sighed.

I chanced a quick glance back toward the alley I had just barreled from, but the thing was gone. Not a very graceful escape, I’ll admit. But all things considered, this new situation I suddenly found myself in was a vast improvement, if hugely embarrassing.

I suddenly realized the dude beneath me was beginning to squirm. “I’m sorry,” I gasped, still trying to catch my breath. Now I had to extricate myself from this current predicament. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. Our entwined limbs and clothing became like a massive pile of clothes hangers. The more I tried to untangle, the more things got caught.

Plus, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t doing much to help me with the problem. In fact, based on his grin, I’d say he was enjoying himself way too much.

A frown appeared between my eyes as I tried not to grin back. I should have been thankful he wasn’t mad, but this was no laughing matter. I was extremely uncomfortable, on more than one level. And the few people out and about were starting to stare at the young couple lying on the rain-soaked pavement.

Attack was the best defense, I’ve heard tell. “You could help me, you know,” I chastised, working a strand of my braid - still attached to my head I might add - from his jacket zipper. But with one strand down, I was still attached by another good-sized clump, preventing me from getting up - unless I was willing to rip out chunks of my hair - which I wasn’t. I was rather attached to it, actually.

“Oh, sorry. Here, let me.” With gentle fingers he eased long black locks of hair from the zipper, strand by strand. While he worked, I studied his face. He looked familiar. A slight scar above his right brow, about an inch long. Dark brown hair, slightly messy and overgrown. Golden speckles in brown eyes that...

...were now viewing me with amusement.

Crap. Busted, checking out the dude I just bowled over. So not cool. Plus, I had the feeling I totally missed something he just said.

“Sorry, what?” I asked, dumbly.

“You’re loose,” he repeated.

Givin' Up The Ghost, Playlist, Promotion



(My pick to play my MC would be Jennifer Lawrence)

I'm finally treating my MANUSCRIPT like a REAL book!
Here are some of the things I completed last week:

• After two years, I finally named my MS: Givin' Up The Ghost
• I added a description of Givin' Up The Ghost, which you'll find under the Writing tab above.
• I created a Playlist for Givin' Up The Ghost, see Playlist tab above.
• Researched actors who could play my characters in the movie (gotta be prepared, lol!).
• Created a rough draft of my book pitch for the writer's conference in April.
• Researched business cards for the writer's conference in April.
• Researched website information should I decide to use my domain name, gwengardner.com.

Can you tell I'm getting ready for the PPWC in April? There is so much to do - first and foremost to finish editing my book! And I'm having so much fun with it! Last week I decided to pair a scene from my MS and music/video from YouTube. And then when I was visiting Michelle Picketts blog, I discovered that she had created whole playlists for her books Concilium and Concilium: The Departure. I was so inspired that I just had to create a playlist for my own book, Givin' Up The Ghost. Check out my new Playlist and Writing tabs above. Michelle, who won second place in my Judge and Jury Blogfest, is an awesome writer. If you are a member of GoodReads, you'll want to add her books to your TBR list.

What are you doing to have fun with your writing? What are you doing to get an agent/publisher? What are you doing to promote your book?

As always, I welcome any advice you have on: conferences, pitching, business cards, website, description, playlist recommendations, etc.

ZZ Top And A Running Scene

Here's a little ZZ Top called "Legs," to go with a scene I've written from my Work-In-Progress. I like the song for the scene, even if the video doesn't exactly go with it. But all in good fun! And I'm feelin' in need of some fun today.

So to set the scene: A young adult sort-of-paranormal-romance-mystery novel, if you call talking to ghosts "paranormal." The main protagonist is psychic and can speak to ghosts and she's agreed to help find the murderer of her friend's dad. This is a scene where two of the protagonists are walking through a riverside park at night and discover they're being followed.

A Scene From:

Givin' Up The Ghost

  We walked through the lamp-lit park, along a meandering pathway, the illuminating yellow glow casting halos upon the wet pavement. Halfway through the park I felt tingling on the back of my skull.


  I took a deep breath. “Badger, don’t turn around, but I think we’re being followed,” I whispered.

  He glanced my way. “How do you know, did you see someone?”

  “Nope.” I shrugged. “Just one of those crazy feelings I get.” I waited for him to laugh or make fun. He didn’t.

  “Okay.” He linked his arm through mine. “Do you trust me?”

  I surprised myself by nodding my head - no hesitation.

  “Then just follow my lead, okay?”

  He took hold of my good hand and I came to a stop, facing him under the halo of a street lamp. He put his arms around me. “We’re just a pair of young lovers out for a walk, right?”

  Quick to understand the game plan, I put my hands on his chest and looked up into his face. “Right. Now what?” I stepped closer and ran my hands up over his shoulders and around his neck.

  “I’m going to kiss you.” Badger leaned in for the kiss, turning me slightly, while sweeping his eyes across the park in the direction we had just come from. His lips were soft against mine. Not too soft, but just-right soft. He lifted his head and looked down into my face.

  “Well?” I whispered.

  “Nice. Very nice.” He smiled.

  I laughed softly. I’m glad it was dark so he couldn’t see my face going red yet again. “Thanks. But I meant...”

  “Oh! Right. Two of them. Near the entrance. And doing a pretty bad job of hiding behind a tree,” he answered.

  I took the opportunity to peak down the path without averting my head. “It’s starting to rain again. If I’m not mistaken, it’s about to pour buckets, so we can give them the slip by pretending to run from the rain.”

  “Yeah,” he whispered. “But that would take all the fun out of what we’re doing now.”

  I laughed again lightly, feeling his heartbeat beneath my palms.

  “Seriously, though,” I said.

  “Did you know your eyes are the color of indigo?” he said, his eyes searching mine, for...something.

  “Focus,” I reminded him.

  “Oh. Right. Running it is, then.”

  “Do you think you can keep up?” I teased.

  “That sounds like a challenge,” he said, kissing my parted lips gently.

  I grinned up at him and hoped he couldn’t read the expression underneath. My very first kiss. Okay, not a real kiss, but for a fake one, it was really good.

  A crack of thunder and lightning, followed by torrential rain came right on cue. I gently pushed away from Badger and took a few steps back, turning with a playful swagger, and a catch-me-if-you-can smile thrown back over my shoulder. I threw my long mane of wet hair back and crooked a finger at him playfully, inviting him to chase me, totally into the game now. And then I turned and ran for all I was worth, Badger on my heels.

  We dashed across the sodden grass, through bushes and trees, toward a park exit. I sprinted toward a slit between buildings which lead into a rundown historic area.

  The alleys here were narrow and dark. As we raced through the twisting passageways, the buildings grew closer together, nearly touching overhead as they leaned toward each other. The corridors became almost cave-like; dark and damp, as we ran further and further, and ever downward into the maze of passages. I hoped that we would be able to find our way out again. I hadn’t seen anyone, but saw muted light coming through some of the windows. The further down we ran, the more I noticed the odors; cooking smells mingled with rotting garbage, and the faint odor of urine.

  It was impossible to tell how close our pursuers were at this point, between the sound of our own harsh breathing and the mist and fog distorting the sounds which bounced off the stone walls.

  The ground beneath us was cobbled and slick from rain, and we struggled to stay on our feet, using the stone walls to keep our balance. I hurtled around a corner and ducked into a dark stairwell, dragging Badger behind me. We tumbled further up the stairs, breathless, into the shadows. I hoped that we hadn’t trapped ourselves. We tried to control our heavy breathing as we peered into the alley below for the two men.

  There was a crashing noise, as if someone had run into a garbage bin and sent it rolling down hill. Then we saw the two men below passing by the stairwell, and heard their raspy breath, chests heaving, a voice saying, “We lost them.”

  Still we waited. The only sound in the dark stairwell was our heavy breathing, when out of the shadows above us, a voice said, “Are you two going to sit in the dark all night, or are you going to come inside?”

I WELCOME POSITIVE CRITICISM. WHAT DO YOU THINK? I'VE JUST CHOSEN THE TITLE - DO YOU LIKE IT?