February 10, 2012

Critique Partner Blogfest

Need a Critique Partner? Loralie Hall over at Apathy's Hero is hosting this awesome Critique Partner Blogfest. Between February 10th and February 13th, post the below information. Then visit the other participants sites which can be found HERE and comment. If you see someone that is a fit for your needs, let them know you are interested. If you don't find a fit, that's okay, too. No obligation.

So here is my entry into The Critique Partner Blogfest:

Genre, Age Group, Book Title:
YA Paranormal Romance
12-18 age group
Givin' Up The Ghost

Story Status:
I am halfway through editing my first complete novel. I think it needs lots of help. I hope to pitch it to an agent or publisher in April at a Writer's Conference.

Feedback I'm Looking For:
I am looking for overall thoughts or recommendations on a per chapter basis. What are the strengths and weaknesses? What's missing? Is any part of it confusing or not working? Are any of the parts boring? Anything that I might not be seeing myself.

My Pitch:

Indigo Eady was NOT clumsy. At least, not until she moved to Sabrina Shores. Could she help it if she’d been off-kilter since moving to a medieval village in England? Who knew it would be teeming with afterlife? After all, this was the 21st century! It was like she had a foot in both worlds, straddling the no-man’s land in between. She just had to learn to keep her balance, that’s all.

So it wasn’t her fault that she somehow managed to bowl Badger over every time they met. She was becoming hazardous to his health, not to mention her own. If it weren’t for the murdered spirits and interfering ghosts vying for her attention, her life would be so much easier!

To top it all off, why did Badger have to be so cute? That was no doubt the problem. Mix needy dead guys and very-much-alive cute guys, and you had the ingredients for a world totally out of whack. But neither of them had time for love right now. They had a murderer to catch. Even so, sparks were flying in more than one direction!

If only she could Give Up The Ghost and leave all that otherworldly stuff behind. Then she could be a normal teenager, who did normal things. Like dating. And holding hands. And even better, kissing! Not like that kiss she shared with Badger to throw off those goons who were following them. Although for a fake kiss, it was really, really good!

First 500 Words:

“What the...” the boy sputtered, finding himself inextricably lying flat on his back. I lay sprawled across him, our eyes locked in stunned surprise, our bodies entwined in a tangle of arms and legs. My breath was coming in rasps so I couldn’t speak, but it was just as well. I mean, what was I going to say? Nice day for a run?

I don’t know who was more shocked, him or me. Luckily it was still early and the market square relatively quiet. I didn’t think anyone had witnessed my current fiasco. Now I could add bowling over cute guy to my growing list of mishaps. I sighed.

I chanced a quick glance back toward the alley I had just barreled from, but the thing was gone. Not a very graceful escape, I’ll admit. But all things considered, this new situation I suddenly found myself in was a vast improvement, if hugely embarrassing.

I suddenly realized the dude beneath me was beginning to squirm. “I’m sorry,” I gasped, still trying to catch my breath. Now I had to extricate myself from this current predicament. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. Our entwined limbs and clothing became like a massive pile of clothes hangers. The more I tried to untangle, the more things got caught.

Plus, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t doing much to help me with the problem. In fact, based on his grin, I’d say he was enjoying himself way too much.

A frown appeared between my eyes as I tried not to grin back. I should have been thankful he wasn’t mad, but this was no laughing matter. I was extremely uncomfortable, on more than one level. And the few people out and about were starting to stare at the young couple lying on the rain-soaked pavement.

Attack was the best defense, I’ve heard tell. “You could help me, you know,” I chastised, working a strand of my braid - still attached to my head I might add - from his jacket zipper. But with one strand down, I was still attached by another good-sized clump, preventing me from getting up - unless I was willing to rip out chunks of my hair - which I wasn’t. I was rather attached to it, actually.

“Oh, sorry. Here, let me.” With gentle fingers he eased long black locks of hair from the zipper, strand by strand. While he worked, I studied his face. He looked familiar. A slight scar above his right brow, about an inch long. Dark brown hair, slightly messy and overgrown. Golden speckles in brown eyes that...

...were now viewing me with amusement.

Crap. Busted, checking out the dude I just bowled over. So not cool. Plus, I had the feeling I totally missed something he just said.

“Sorry, what?” I asked, dumbly.

“You’re loose,” he repeated.

21 comments:

Sarah Pearson said...

What a great idea this is. I love your first 500 words. Fun, with a definite hint of menace to come :-)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

This blogfest is a cool way to find a critique partner. Hope you find several!

Charity Bradford said...

This is a fun start and sounds like something I might read. I would consider swapping if my story interests you. Mine is not quite finished, but I could start yours earlier if needed.

Huntress said...

I love the first 500.

My genre is adult fantasy but I'm interested in trading first chapters up to ten pages.

Kate Larkindale said...

Interesting idea, but I'm afraid I don't really do fantasy so am probably not the right person for you...

akoss said...

I'm not a participant. Just lurking through :)
That's a nice beginning you got there, especially how you left us wanting more with the embarrassing situation at the end.
I hope you find a good match :)

Lady Gwen said...

Thank you Sarah!

Thanks Alex, I think I may have found one or two:)

Charity, mine is technically finished, but needs lots of revision, lol. I loved your piece too. I'll contact you:)

Huntress, thanks for stopping by. I don't really do adult fantasy but I've read your piece and it was really good. I'm sure you'll find CP's.

Kate, no problem, thanks for coming by:)

akoss, thanks for coming by!

KSCollier said...

Great idea. No critique today, I'm just dropping by to say hi from Rachael's 4th campaign. I'm in your group and am looking forward to getting to know you better.

Stephsco said...

Thanks for commenting on my story! It looks like you found a couple of readers :) Best of luck editing!

Lady Gwen said...

KS, welcome and thanks for stopping by:)

Steph, yes, I did have a couple of offers:)

Green Monkey said...

Hello, I'm new here. Wanted to tell you that my email address is : runshanrun (shan, short for shannon). So we have writing and running in common. I write nonfiction. wish I knew how to write fiction. maybe then my life would calm down.

Melissa Ann Goodwin said...

Hi Lady Gwen - returning the visit and the follow. What fun your story is! Thanks for your comments at my blog (The VA - sorry for your troubles there - much more important that ours!) Look forward to reading more from you!

Natasha Hanova said...

What a cool concept to help you find critique partners who are familiar with your genre. Based on your excerpts, I don't think it'll be difficult. :-)

fairbetty said...

Oh, I should totally do this blogfest... I'm in the process of editing the first draft of MY first complete novel... and tho I'm scared to show it to anyone, I probably should really soon... sigh.

Campaign buddy here. *waves*

Traci Kenworth said...

Good luck with your search for a critique partner!!

Lynda R Young said...

Your premise sounds great. Good luck finding your critique parter! Good luck pitching in April too!!

Traci Kenworth said...

Stopping in from the campaign. Thanks for a heads up on the cps.

Gina C said...

Hi Gwen! Sounds like a fun read! And Badger is a great name :)

Good luck finding a CP!
-GC

Elise Fallson said...

Hi There! Guess what? you've just been tagged to answer 11 random questions! (:

elisefallson.blogspot.com

Lady Gwen said...

Green Monkey, how funny! I have the license plate that says "Run Forest Run" that I got from the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co - a restaurant near Los Angeles. Also - I'm really sorry for your troubles. I've tagged you in a game of 11 Questions but didn't feel it right to post it to you after visiting your site. If you want to, though, here is the link: http://rungwenrun.blogspot.com/2012/02/11-questions-from-platform-building.html

Lady Gwen said...

Melissa, thanks for stopping by. I can't wait to hear about your travels.

Natasha, you're very kind *blushes* thank you.

Fairbetty - I think I've found 2 critique partners. It's hard showing your work, but really, they're in the same place we are!

Traci, thank you much.

Thanks Gina. I'm glad you saw the fun part - that's what I'm going for.

Elise, I just left a message on your site. *evil grin* I've already been tagged and posted about it. And, hmmm, my mom says (lol) I can't play anymore!