September 5, 2011

First Platform- Building Campaigner Challenge

Rachael Harrie's First Platform-Building Campaigner Challenge has been posted, and here is the assignment:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.


If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)


For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

I had a lot of fun with this one AND implemented each option. I led in with "the door swung open," closed with, "the door swung shut," and made the scene 200 words exactly!

So without further ado, here is my entry:

Step, Step, Step
The door swung open...slowly, creaking...I open my eyes without moving. I wait. And wait. But no one is there. Still, I don’t move. I look for a hand, perhaps attached to a disembodied arm, pushing the door open. But I don’t see one.

I mentally shake myself and take a deep breath. This is silly. There must be a draft. I slide my eyes toward the window, squinting slightly through the musty darkness, dust motes floating in the slant of muted amber light coming through the open door. It’s closed. Perhaps from downstairs then.

An intruder? My ears strain to hear anything over the pounding of my heart. What’s that? Steps. Coming from downstairs. The basement, perhaps. Step, step, step. Now coming up the stairwell. Down the hall.

My chest rises and falls more quickly now. Surely the pounding of my heart must give away the fact that I’m awake. The room grows colder and I struggle not to pull the blankets over my head. My breath comes out in chilly puffs. The door creaks open further. A dark shadow hovers, floats towards my bed. I am engulfed with fear as the figure leans over me.

The door swung shut.

34 comments:

Deborah Walker said...

That was chilling. Nice work.

Christine Rains said...

You're very good at adding a lot of tension to such a short piece. Great job!

1000th.monkey said...

Wow, so many entries with similar subject matter, but all very different... Nice job :)

Lady Gwen said...

Deborah - thanks. This was kind of a new genre for me!

Christine - I was worried about no dialog, but this was an interior monologue, I guess?

Monkey - So much variety! It's amazing what we come up with based on four words!

Nadja Notariani said...

Palpable fear from your main character. Nice. ~ Nadja

Alleged Author said...

An intruder...gah! You've got the description down pat. Loved it!

Lady Gwen said...

Nadja, thanks. My MC is my OC (only character) in this scene, LOL. I wonder if it's still a short story even though it's sort of an inner monologue?

Thanks, Alleged! Never had an intruder - hopefully I'd do more than just lie there in fear :)

D.J. Kirkby said...

Ooooh scary....*shudder*

Mel Fowler said...

Fellow campaigner here. It's good to meet you and great flash fiction!

Angelina C. Hansen said...

Oooh. Scary. I know that feeling.

Lady Gwen said...

D.J. - thank you, ma'am.

Mel - Thank you, my first flash fiction, really.

Angelina - OMG, what happened?

elizabethanne said...

Scary stuff. I could feel my heart rate increasing! Incredible description. Well done.

bridgetstraub.com said...

I really like the tension in this. Its frighteningly relatable. I'm #72

Theresa Milstein said...

I wonder who the figure could be. Great job creating suspense!

Ruth Hartman Berge said...

Very creepy! Great job!

Maeve Frazier said...

Nice job at creating suspense. You and I both used 'dust motes' in our stories. :) Liked the way you played yours in.

MorningAJ said...

Very suspenseful and great use of descriptive language.

Tara Tyler said...

goosebumps!
nice job building the fear!

Crystal said...

Oooh, I got goosebumps, too! You are really good at creating suspense and building tension. I'm thinking it's a ghost just because your MC can't see it and the room grew cold... :-)

Heather Justesen said...

Ooo, creepy! Awesome job.

Lady Gwen said...

Elizabeth Anne - that'd be my worse nightmare, LOL!

Bridgette, thanks, I sorta scared myself!

Lady Gwen said...

Theresa, ambiguous, huh?!

Ruth, very creepy - thanks!

Maeve, I noticed the dust motes in yours, too - great minds think alike, LOL!

AJ, thanks. I trouble with description in this scene because it was so dialog heavy.

Tara, scared ya, huh? Me, too, LOL!

Lady Gwen said...

Crystal, yeah, it was a ghost even though it was sort of ambiguous. And then the door swung shut...scared myself, LOL!


Heather, I creeped myself out! Thanks:)

David Powers King said...

I don't know a thing about this character, but I sense the fear. Excellent work, Gwen! :)

Angela Brown said...

Oh dear...now I'll have to double-check my locks at home. This was ripe with suspense and I could feel the MC's fear. Great job.

Lady Gwen said...

@David, characterization is tough in 200 words, but since she was paralyzed with fear, and couldn't/wouldn't/didn't move, I guess that says something about her!

@Angela, good idea - just to be on the safe side, LOL!

Sarah Pearson said...

I enjoyed this. I think I'd rather it was an intruder than what it actually was :-)

Lady Gwen said...

Sarah, I wouldn't like either a ghost or intruder in my bedroom, but I think I'd choose the ghost, LOL!

Doreen said...

Scary either way:)

BucksWriter said...

Fellow campaigner saying hello.

This piece works well because it feeds off of the fears we've all had at one time or another. Like the imagery too!

Claire

Lady Gwen said...

@Doreen, so true - scary either way, LOL!

@Claire, I'm pretty sure we've all been home and gotten scared at some point!

Medeia Sharif said...

Spooky. I hope this doesn't give me nightmares when I go to bed soon. Great job.

I'm a new follower from the campaign. Have a wonderful weekend.

J.L. Campbell said...

You've done much with the spook factor. I wanted to pull the covers over my head too.

Lady Gwen said...

@Medeia, I hope there were no noises in the night, LOL!

@J.L., I'd never pull the covers over my head in real life, LOL! I'd be prowling the house:)